Man! I feel like a woman...

Two weeks ago today I did the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I questioned myself about whether or not it should be done, I freaked out about, I prepared for it. Then, I just friggin did it. I took boudoir pics for my Future Hubby.

Before I took the pics I tried on my outfits. I looked at the rolls in my mid-section, and the dimples in my thighs. "Wait, are my inner thighs flapping around like flags?" Yeah, that was a creepy, disgusting, ugly thought. I couldn't find one angle I thought looked good enough for the photographer to get a full body shot. But then I thought, she's a professional, let's leave it up to her.

So all that day I was jumpy. My leg kept shaking, and I was bubbling with something that resembled excitement, although that's not quite the word for it. I went through my daily duties in high anticipation. Finally it was 5 and I could go home to start getting ready!

I started my makeup at home, then I finished once I got to the hotel. I walk into the hotel bathroom and I think bad.i.dea. This hotel's bathroom had to have THE worse lighting ever known to man. "Oh my friggin God my pictures are completely gonna look like crud. CRAPCRAPCRAP!!!" kept running through my head. Let's face it, with all these rolls I have, a pretty face is all I've got to save these pictures! But the professional in me kicked in and said "make it work", so I did. I worked my makeup the best way I could in that little dim bathroom. Then I sat in the lobby, and waited.

When 10pm hit, I went upstairs to the room, and met the sweetest little southern woman ever. I IMMEDIATELY felt at ease. I changed, put on a cd that began with Janet's Ropeburn and ended with Britney Spears If You Seek Amy, and it was on! We took atleast 300 shots in 2 outfits, and a few of just me in the sheets. I had such a rockstar moment! I was totally feeling myself! And when it was a wrap, I was in tears. I never felt so empowered in all my life. Never felt like such a woman. Never loved my curves as much as I did that night. It was me. Totally me in all of my thick goodness, and I'd embraced it more than I ever have before. This is me! And I love me. Finally, I love ALL of me. What a gift. What a gift boudoir photos, and Christi Austin gave to me. I've always had high self-esteem, but it's never been THAT high. I think if my self-esteem grew anymore I would float off this planet! I walked out of that hotel a brand new woman!

That Sunday, I wore a dress to church! Not a pants suit like always, but a dress! So unlike me! I'm now pressed to wear dresses for as many occassions as I can. I want to show off my hips and my thighs! Yeah! I'm feeling me! And then, I got the pictures back. O...M...G...! Gorgeous! I absolutely friggin LOVE THEM! I'm hella excited about giving J the book as a gift. He has no clue that that's what he is getting as a gift, so I'm so excited for him to pull it out the wedding night. Christi captured me in the best way possible. No, every picture wasn't perfect, but even the imperfect pictures were perfect!

So Christi Austin, if you ever read this, I say thank you. Thank you for helping me embrace MY beauty. Thank you for helping me embrace my curves. You helped me fall completely inlove with me, no room for error, and I needed that, especially before getting married! I LOVE you for it.

I'm sure Jonathan's gonna love you for it too ;~)

~HG

We shouted, they listened. Thank you Forever 21!

As I was clearing out my inbox the other day, I saw something that made me squeal with delight! The store that I have been eyeing for years, but couldn't fit a thing they carried, announced to the world that they were going to start carrying a plus-size line. That's right, Forever 21 now carries clothing for the everyday fluffy, thickety thick, chickedy chunk woman, such as myself. Woohoo!!!

On May 1st Forever 21 launched their Faith 21 line for plus size mavens. Although the line isn't as extensive as the Forever 21 line, it does carry enough for full-figured women to get their summer look going. I think I must have bought atleast 5 dresses over the weekend!

My favorite would have to be the Contrast Brushstroke Dress. It's a flowy (yet non-matronly!), silky 3/4 sleeve knit dress that boasts a brushstroke print and a waist tie. It's not stiff, too big, or too long. It's just sexy enough where you can show a little leg, and just flowy enough where everyone can tell you have a shape, but all of the bumpy (actually, I call them chunky) areas are concealed perfectly. I can't wait to wear this to dinner during my upcoming honeymoon.

So, to my thick sistas, it looks like we are finally making some real headway. The fashion industry is listening to us, finally hearing that plus-size doesn't mean anti-sexy. Now go get your sexy on and give your summer wardrobe the jumpstart it needs!

Faith 21
Available in select stores and online
Fashions range from $13.80 - $24.80

The Thicky-Thicks Girl Boudoir

When I began this wedding planning process, I had no idea that the bride and groom gave each other gifts. In fact, I didn't know a good 95% of things about weddings that I do now, thanks to the good ole knot. I wanted my gift to Mr. Habibty to be fantabulous, something he would never think of. I know he loves watches, and sports, smelling good, all that wonderful stuff, as do I, but...I wanted something that screamed Love, Sexy, and Romance. On my journey to discovering the perfect gift for him I kept running into the same thing over and over again - B-Pics. I was like, what da heck is a b-pic, and why would you want to give that to your FH? After doing hours of research (I tend to get lost in doing research on the internet instead of actually completing projects, but whatever, that's another entry for another day) I came to understand that b-pics stood for Boudoir Pictures.

Boudoir photos are sexy pictures you take for your FI, or heck, even just for yourself. They can be as racey or as innocent as you would like for them to be. Mostly I've seen ladies using lingerie, or pin-up girl clothing. I instantly fell in-love with the idea when I saw the photos! But...but...ummm, I'm not your average size boudoir photo taking girl...

I am a thicky thick girl, a plus-size beauty who has more than enough meat on her bones to feed the whole fam. Thunder thighs? Check! Donkey butt? Checkadee check! Big juggalicious boobs? You know it! lol. That makes it a little scary for someone like me to take boudoir pics, and expect a man to find this as an exciting and acceptable gift. But, this isn't any man. This is my Mr. Habibty who thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am. And I am no low-self-esteem woman. Nope. In fact, I'm the opposite. I have a very distorted view of myself lol. I know for a fact that I don't see myself the way society does. Wearing itty bitty lingeried with all this going on should scare me to death! But oddly enough, it doesn't. I just pray that the pictures match what my mind is telling me!

Anywho, here are the two outfits I picked to wear for my first boudoir session:

Ok, so my thinking is this. Both of these seem to highlight and accentuate my glorious boobs, while hiding, even minimizing my tummy. I figure I'll take a lot of shot lying down with the first one, and then more shots standing up in the second. I'm praying that this will work well. Oh, and here are the shoes I'll wear with them:

They will be in black though, of course! I'm praying this works out well for me. Jesus, if I spend all this money and this man hates it, I'mma just go sit in the middle of Mexico City and let everyone touch and cough on me. Ok, just kidding, but the sickening feeling I'll get will surely feel fluish.

And yes, I did say my first boudoir session, as in I'm doing two. The first one I'm doing is with Christi Austin, who does amazing work. The second session will be in June with Tait Boudoir. I lurve Tait's work, but fear that the pictures won't come back in time for the wedding, so I'm still going to do it, just betting on Christi's coming back on time.

I think for Tait's session I am going to wear a mens button down shirt with one of Mr. Habibty's ties, and some other "costumes". With her you can change into as many outfits as you want within the 2 hour time period, so I'm just going to try a bunch of different looks and have fun with it.

I hope that my photos will inspire other Thick, luscious, beautiful Brides to take boudoir pics and get that wedding night poppin! I can't wait!

~HG

Beauty with a Conscience

Today, everyone seems to be a little more "Earth" conscience than they were before. Green is in, and CARGO cosmetics has jumped on board. They have released their go-green cosmetics line, the Plant Love collection, to keep you, and our Earth, looking fantabulous!

Cargos Plant Love Botanical Lipstick line carries 20 color popping shades with a high organic content in eco-certified packaging (seriously, the lipstick case is made of corn!). Slides on like satin for the lips, but without all the extra that helps harm our planet, such as: Parabens, synthetic dye, and phthalates amongst other things.

Even celebs have jumped on the Cargo luscious green bandwagon, creating their own lipsticks. My fave? CeCe by Courtney Cox, a berry plum shade that enhances my chocolate complexion.

And check this out! Done with the your lipstick box and don't know what to do with it? No worries. You can plant Cargos Plant love lipstick boxes to grow wildflowers! Now THAT'S giving back to the Earth!

Want to jump on the Cargo Plant Love bandwagon, but not much of a lipstick girl? No worries! The line also carries eyeshadow, blush, powder, bronzer, lip pencils, eye pencils, and lip gloss.

Visit Sephora.com for more information on the line, and to purchase Cargo Plant Love products ranging from $16 - $36. Go Green!

Trying Not to be That Bytch

I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, a stickler for things being done perfectly, and impatient with people who can't do that effectively. I hate to repeat myself, and I often think that others should just be able to "get-it" already! Ugh! I can be, a bitch. The good news is that I know this about myself, and as one of my 2009 goals I have been working on it daily...and tested on it twice as much. So Saturday being my bridal shower and all, was the perfect time to see just how far I've come.

I'm told that the Bride isn't suppose to have her hands in any of her bridal parties at all but ha! Have you met me? Well if not, please let me introduce myself. I'm that compulsive-sarcastic-gotta-control-every-dayum-thing-so-you-better-get-out-of-my-way-bytch, thank you very much! I did, however, stay out of, ohhhhhhh 75% of it, which should automatically earn me a goldstar, uh huh!

I also have a tendency to be picky about things, especially details. In my eyes, the bridal shower is just one step back from being the wedding when it comes to details, so I was freaking out about everything at first, instead of trusting the process. My bff is the exact opposite of me when it comes to likes and dislikes, so I was uber hyperventilating when it came to decor, favors, gifts, etc. In the same token, I was trying to coach myself on how to be a better friend, a better human. We all make mistakes. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, there will be mistakes, it's ok.

Do you know how long it took me to practice saying that and to actually make it apart of who I am???

By the time Saturday came around, I knew that some things wouldn't go right, and I decided I was going to have a good time no matter what. Who cares that the dress I ordered looked a hot mess on my body hugging in all the wrong places, hitting too low on my calves? Who cares that I wasn't able to get a pedicure so I was going to have to wear my 5 inch 2 hour Guess heels instead of my 3 inch 5 hour sandles? So what if I only had 15 minuts to get my makeup look together, and no time at all to practice exactly what I wanted to do during the week? Because honestly, in the end? it was PERFECT!

I realized that the only people that would know if something was off, or wrong, or didn't make an appearance were myself and my bridal party. No one else had a clue that there was suppose to be a cd of music playing in the background, or other small things. Everyone had a fantabulous! They broke bread together, laughed, told stories, played games they lost horribly at, and showered me with lingerie, love, friendship, and support. They raved about the gorgeous cake my BFF took so much time and delicate balance to bring to the shower. They complimented me, and said it was a shower filled with style and love. Seriously, what more could I ask for?

I was loved. I am loved. And I am thankful. I owe so much to my BFF who put her heart, and hard earned money into the shower. I owe my heart to my family and friends for supporting me, even knowing that I am that bytch, and that "that bytch" could possibly make an appearance on Saturday. She did, for all of 2 minutes. Then I shut her arse out and told her to shut up and sit down because she was not about to interrupt the love fest that was going on! Because that bytch loves to leave herself alienated, but that's not who I want to be this year. This year, I want to wrap myself up in love. I want to compliment where I use to critique. I want to hold a hand where I would usually scowl. I want to open myself up to the possibilities that are out there when you stop taking things, especially those things that are beyond your control, seriously, and just lay back and have fun!

I had fun. That bytch is well on her way to being dead.

~HG

I'm blessed...

As you all know, as of June 20, 2009 I will be a Mrs. and I am getting pretty excited! Since becoming engaged, I have spent most of my days living and breathing on theknot.com. It.is.fab. All of the cake ideas, decor, drinks, and conversation! Yes! Conversation! If you didn't know, theknot has a forum community, and you can visit as many as you please. I, for one, am addicted to three in particular: The DC area forum, the Making It Personal aka DIY board, and of course, the elustrious African American Weddings board. I love it! I finally found a community of African American brides that isn't catty, and where they have your back no matter what. I don't interact as much as I would like to, but I sure do read as many posts as I can fit into a 24hr day.

Ever so often someone will speak up about how their family is against them doing this thing or the other in their wedding. They get fed up, tired, wondering if they can just receive support without all the blah blah blah from family and/or friends. They find they have to keep their wedding plans between them and their fiance's. In a way, this is how the AAW board on theknot becomes our extended family. It's there that we can go to talk about nothing but OUR special day all.day.long. We don't have to worry about our bff maryjoe wanting us to shut-da-hell-up-about-the-gotdarn-wedding-already! Or grandma giving us the side eye for not sticking with tradition. It is here that we can come together formulating ideas of how to jump over this obstacle, or create this decor setup so that it says Ka-pow! Diva! When the guests walk in. Or where we can read about how so and so was blessed by this person or another because they helped them out with the burden of the cost it takes to plan a wedding, or simply because their fiance supported them. We look and go hmmm, if it happened to her, surely God has not foresaken me! And before you know it, their blessing has blessed us, then we are able to see God move in our own lives.

Today though, I realized I am even more blessed than that. I don't have those annoying relatives or friends that some of the women seem to have. Everyone seems to support me and my vision, even though they don't know what it is. Because it's mine, they trust it. Even though my mom has rolled her eyes at some of the non-traditional stuff I'm doing (what do you MEAN you are laying the aisle runner down the night before??? No one is suppose to walk on the aisle runner but you!!!), she abruptly stops herself and remembers that this is my wedding, and I should be able to do with it as I please. For a moment in time I wanted to pull every single one of my cousins hairs out one-by-one because she was asking the most annoying questions (why ivory instead of white???). At times, because planning a wedding is so overwhelming, it was enough for me to want to smack a bytch! but then I remembered that she was pregnant, and I have no idea what it's like to have your hormones all over the place like that. So I sat on my hands, and tried my best to keep my mouth shut. Today, she is as cool as ever, and for that, I'm greatful.

Even Mr. Habibty, the love of my life, has come to grips with the fact that this wedding will be something he nor his family has ever seen before, and he is ok with that. Everyone has my back. Everyone just wants to make sure that I'm ok, that I have everything I need to make this day as exciting and beautiful as I imagine it. I am blessed! My family is not stressing me out, but instead they are holding my hand. Maybe I haven't told them thank you enough, but it is today that I see the huge blessing in that. My family and friends really are the angels in my life that so many other people pray for. I definitely see the God in them, and that is awesome!

Rain Rain go away!

Everytime I think about writing a post, I see the greyness of the weather out the corner of my eyes and change my mind. I just want to ball up in the middle of my bed and sleep, having loud snore conversations with my pillows.