Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It's All Just Too Much...

I keep feeling like I should write something about Whitney, not only because I loved her, but because everyone else is paying tribute, so shouldn't I? The thing is, I feel lost. I feel like 2011 started a wave of death and sadness one on top of another. We just keep getting slammed with it, even into 2012 and it doesn't cease to hurt. Losing Whitney Houston hurt.

When I checked into twitter and saw all of the tweets that we had just lost Whitney, I rolled my eyes and thought dear God, twitter kills everyone off. And while that is still true, I could no longer be in denial once reputable news sources started reporting it. My blood ran cold. I started having an anxiety attack. How is this possible? Why is this happening? What's really going on? Most importantly, why do I feel so sad?

I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out that I was feeling the way a lot of other folks were feeling. Was I allowed to feel this sad? I mean, I had never met Whitney Houston a day in my life. Did it make sense that I was feeling as strongly as I was. I had to give myself permission to grieve.

I grieved because I had hope for Whitney, that she would be the come back kid. That she would get better and do better. I was silently waiting in the background for it to happen. I grieved because of Bobbi Kristina. I don't read a lot of tabloids, but I often hear about her doing things that as a mother, makes me quite concerned. How empty and lost she must feel now. Who will guide her? I grieved because of the memories. While so many others were posting their favorite Whitney songs and videos, I couldn't. I couldn't watch them, couldn't listen to them, just couldn't. It was taking me some place I didn't want to go. I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. My mom and I use to stay up on a Friday night and watch a vhs tape we had with nothing but Whitney Houston videos. We would sing Whitney Houston songs to one another. Yeah, I grieved because yet another part of the memory of my mother left this Earth.

It was too much. It is too much. I am ready for this week to be over. I'm ready for the wake and the funeral to be done with. It's too much.

That's all I really have to say about the passing of Whitney Houston. I really did love her. For the part she played in my childhood and for that beautiful voice that could raise goosebumps on my arms.It is evident that she will be missed. I hope everyone keeps her family in their prayers.