Monday, May 25, 2009

Man! I feel like a woman...

Two weeks ago today I did the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I questioned myself about whether or not it should be done, I freaked out about, I prepared for it. Then, I just friggin did it. I took boudoir pics for my Future Hubby.

Before I took the pics I tried on my outfits. I looked at the rolls in my mid-section, and the dimples in my thighs. "Wait, are my inner thighs flapping around like flags?" Yeah, that was a creepy, disgusting, ugly thought. I couldn't find one angle I thought looked good enough for the photographer to get a full body shot. But then I thought, she's a professional, let's leave it up to her.

So all that day I was jumpy. My leg kept shaking, and I was bubbling with something that resembled excitement, although that's not quite the word for it. I went through my daily duties in high anticipation. Finally it was 5 and I could go home to start getting ready!

I started my makeup at home, then I finished once I got to the hotel. I walk into the hotel bathroom and I think bad.i.dea. This hotel's bathroom had to have THE worse lighting ever known to man. "Oh my friggin God my pictures are completely gonna look like crud. CRAPCRAPCRAP!!!" kept running through my head. Let's face it, with all these rolls I have, a pretty face is all I've got to save these pictures! But the professional in me kicked in and said "make it work", so I did. I worked my makeup the best way I could in that little dim bathroom. Then I sat in the lobby, and waited.

When 10pm hit, I went upstairs to the room, and met the sweetest little southern woman ever. I IMMEDIATELY felt at ease. I changed, put on a cd that began with Janet's Ropeburn and ended with Britney Spears If You Seek Amy, and it was on! We took atleast 300 shots in 2 outfits, and a few of just me in the sheets. I had such a rockstar moment! I was totally feeling myself! And when it was a wrap, I was in tears. I never felt so empowered in all my life. Never felt like such a woman. Never loved my curves as much as I did that night. It was me. Totally me in all of my thick goodness, and I'd embraced it more than I ever have before. This is me! And I love me. Finally, I love ALL of me. What a gift. What a gift boudoir photos, and Christi Austin gave to me. I've always had high self-esteem, but it's never been THAT high. I think if my self-esteem grew anymore I would float off this planet! I walked out of that hotel a brand new woman!

That Sunday, I wore a dress to church! Not a pants suit like always, but a dress! So unlike me! I'm now pressed to wear dresses for as many occassions as I can. I want to show off my hips and my thighs! Yeah! I'm feeling me! And then, I got the pictures back. O...M...G...! Gorgeous! I absolutely friggin LOVE THEM! I'm hella excited about giving J the book as a gift. He has no clue that that's what he is getting as a gift, so I'm so excited for him to pull it out the wedding night. Christi captured me in the best way possible. No, every picture wasn't perfect, but even the imperfect pictures were perfect!

So Christi Austin, if you ever read this, I say thank you. Thank you for helping me embrace MY beauty. Thank you for helping me embrace my curves. You helped me fall completely inlove with me, no room for error, and I needed that, especially before getting married! I LOVE you for it.

I'm sure Jonathan's gonna love you for it too ;~)