Ever since I was a little girl about 6 years old I've had a problem running. In elementary school we use to have to run around this park 4 times to complete a mile. I was always the girl in the back. I could never breeze through it like other kids. I always wished I could though. I felt like a failure, and I felt even more alone than being one of the few Black kids in the class already made me feel.
Not too long after I fell inlove with soccer. Running after a ball? No problem! So running just for the heck of it should be easy, no? Yeah, no. Just as I would as a child, I would get cold built up in my chest and sometimes spit a little bit of blood out. What was wrong with me I never knew, but it was then that I just left running alone.
I've tried countless times over the years to fall inlove with jogging. I've tried building myself up at the gym, jogging/running for 2 minutes, walking for 1, blah blah blah. I was never able to run for more than 10 minutes, and that was extremely uncomfortable. Then I met MB.
MB is a friend that reminds me a lot of myself. Vain, funny, yet loveable, and an only child. One of the things that sets us apart though is that MB jogs, like, for real. She does 3 miles every morning before work. 3 miles...every morning...BEFORE WORK!... Ugh, hate her. Because she's fluffy like me and able to do this I thought well, I can do it too. Right now I don't have a gym membership, so I have to jog outside. Horrid! Smashing my feet on to the pavement with passersby looking at me. Why would I want to do that? Ugh. But I did it. The area around me is equivalent to the size of that park I couldn't conquer as a kid. This piqued my interest and enthusiasm.
My goal is to run around once the first two weeks, twice the next two weeks, and so on. So last week, I got started. That first night it was h a r d. Going around was difficult at best, but I didn't stop. Since then I've jogged around approximately five more times, and last night for the first time not only did I not feel like I was dying, I also felt like if I really wanted to I could push myself further. I even, dare I say, enjoyed it *gulp* Is this really me? Enjoying jogging? Like, jogging is my "thing" now? Wow.
This may not be a big deal to a lot of you, but for me this is huge. I feel like I'm about to do something big here. Like I'm about to conquer something. Like I'm about to smash the fear of failure into little tiny specks of dust that will all fall down screaming "we are not worthy". Yeah, this is bigger than jogging.
I think that running outside has something to do with it. Feeling the breeze, watching the scenery all really helps. However, I think the biggest thank you goes to MB for showing me you can be fluffy, sexy, and fit. Don't ever tell her I said that. Her head is already big enough.