Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Building & Maintaining Intimacy in Your Relationship

When I became engaged, everyone told me that marriage is tough. You have to work hard at it. That puzzled me because I wondered - did you not have to put in work with your relationship? I know I did. So I figured I had that covered. I knew there would be rough times just like there is for every relationship, so I felt like I was prepared to handle that. Surely I would be more committed to handling it in a marriage as opposed to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

What I didn't know was that when you live together, you have to work at keeping the intimacy. Sex and touching each other in those naughty places that catch your breath and make you create weird sounds and faces? no longer taboo. It's no longer the forbidden fruit. Not only can you have sex, but you can have it as much as you want, and no one cares. It's not a big deal. That, for me, kind of took some of the excitement away from it. I know, maybe I'm just weird like that, but whatever. I found myself "working" to find the lust again. Not that I'm not attracted to my husband, or don't lurve his body because trust, that's a given. I just found that I have to maintain the intimacy.

By intimacy I mean the times when you touch each other and it's not sexual (at least to start off with). You learn about one anothers bodies and bring each other pleasure that doesn't have anything to do with sex. If it leads to sex, fantabulous! However, if it doesn't, that's ok too because that moment of intimacy filled you up.

With that, I decided that once a week I would do something intimate with my husband. Sometimes I jump in the shower with him and wash his hair, massaging his scalp and his temples. Gently touching him. He loves it! Other times I give him a back/calf/etc. massage. Sometimes I just rub him down with body cream. Intimacy is whatever you and your significant other determine it to be. Well tonight, it was a facial!

I lit some candles all around the room, and put on a Boney James cd. I had two bowls filled. One with hot water to keep the face towel hot and steamy during the facial. The other to cleanse the face brush I was going to use to apply the products. I had him lay on a pillow between my legs with his eyes closed. There were only two rules: NO talking and NO thinking. I had him lay there for a couple of minutes with the hot, wet towel on his face. Next I applied a moisturizing face wash to his face and waited about a minute or two before wiping it off. I paced myself as to make this an enjoyable experience, not a rushed one. I wanted him to relax. I then placed the towel back in the bowel to re-wet and reheat it (I heated the bowel in the microwave for approximately 1.5 minutes before starting, so that the water would stay warm). I then brushed on a face mask, and  placed the hot towel back on his face. I left it on for the required 3-5 minutes. Next I took the towel and wiped off the face mask (which I had also applied to his neck area). I then gently and slowly massaged a moisturizer on his face and neck. By this time he was deeply relaxed. Then I thought I would take it a step further and give him an upper body massage with some body cream. I made sure to take my time and keep up the slow pace.

He LOVED it! I LOVED it! Who knew that GIVING him a facial would be so rewarding to me! During that time I just felt very warm and close to him. It was a beautiful experience, one that I will have on repeat at least once a month. He says that he wants to now learn how to give a facial so that he can do one for me. Sweet! I'm already brainstorming new ways to keep the intimacy in our relationship *smile*

So what do you and your significant other do to keep the intimacy in your relationship?



Candie said...

I absolutely loved this entry in your blog. I felt the same way when I got married. Then I decided to up the intimacy. We figured that it took time to date and fall in love that we had to continue to romance each other. We enjoy picnics alot as well. Thanks, I really enjoyed the read.